Talking to God. Wondering why it’s hard to release my grip on this life to the One who told these very oceans where to stop. Wondering why I fear so many things. Wondering why I worry. Wondering why anxiety lays heavy like the darkest of clouds over my mind some days.

I stood there.

Tears pooling in my eyes as I wrestled…knowing I need to lay it all in God’s hands, but not trusting in His faithfulness or is it perhaps His goodness? Because really, if I fully trusted, would I attempt to retain any control? Wouldn’t I willingly, eagerly hand it over?

I stood there.

Watching the clouds darken, feeling the winds pick up, the wildness of it whipping my hair, seeing gray sheets of rain off in the distance…coming, always coming. Watching the storm gather its relentless forces.

I stood there.

Reminded of some fishermen tossed about in a boat so many years ago, a storm exploding around them with fierce reckoning. Fear gripped their hearts, anxiety flooded their minds, as they grasped and grappled to control that which cannot be controlled. Storms. Life.

I stood there.

Remembering the One who awoke from peaceful sleep, the One who bore no anxious thoughts, the One who calmed the storm with His very voice. The One who commanded the waves, “Be still!” and even the winds obeyed Him. The One who looked at His disciples and asked, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

I stood there.

Wondering why I am still afraid. Wondering if I too have so little faith? Wondering why I worry so about the winds and waves when the One who can calm the seas is the One who can calm my heart. The One who holds sway over all things holds me, and you, in His hands.

I stood there.

Realizing that my life is not my own. My way is not the best way. Realizing once more, my God is bigger than any storm. Remembering God’s faithfulness.

I stood there. And then…

I let go.

And friends, you can too.